Why Do I Write?

Why do I want to write? Writing is what makes me who I am. Or at least, I am most concretely myself in my writing. As someone more at home in the interior world of ideas than the exterior world of people and things – what most people call, the ‘real’ world - it is in writing that my true self emerges and I am the better able to exist in that ‘real’ world. Of course, there are glimpses of my real self in my family life, in conversation with friends, and in my work outside of writing. But in writing, I am in control of what it is that comes out and feel most truly myself.
My writing self has time to think and shape the ‘me’ that emerges in a way that the speaking self never can. The speaking ‘me’ is often disappointed by the ‘me’ that is projected into that outer space, the world. But the writing ‘me’ can look at what emerges and see a greater correspondence with the thinking ‘me’, the ‘me’ that I most readily recognise as myself.
I want to write to prove that I exist and that I am good! Of course, I’d like to sell my writing, to earn just enough to buy that farm-house in the Cotswolds – the one with the Roman villa in the garden. But right now, I’d settle for a magazine article or two and enough money to pay for the Writing Course.